ugh.....weirddddd

how is it that it is this close to the end of the year...but yet im getting the most work? i deffinately have senioritious. i dont want to do shit anymore...but yet i am always so busy through out the week. i am always so tired and im tired of being tired lol. i am glad and sad at the same time to be graduating... sad because... well... im leaving behind my life... duh. but glad because i finally get to sleep in more and i dont have to go to school anymore so early. i can arrange my own scheduale kind of. this summer i will beat delta and working part time.. and moving out is my goal by the end of the summer. i hope it works out. this will be more productive than sitting bearicated in those walls ....

yay!

So tomorrow i turn 18, and i am so looking forward to it. My brother just moved back in from The Air Force, and of course he is here on time for my 18th birthday. Haha, joy! right? I am going to get punched 18 times, and i know it will hurt. My dad says not to be suprised if i come home with my bed out on the lawn, and a sign that's saying "Rent Due". hahahaha. Ugh... my brother just punched me 1 time, and it fricken hurt! ..17 more to go :( MEHH!! lol. My mom took time off for my bday though(: I'm excited to see what i'm getting. My dad bought me a new phone, my mom is paying for me to get my tattoo finished, i know my bf got me something-but im not sure what it is yet, my gma got me 2 things, and she will bring them over tomorrow, and my bro.. i think all i get from him are punches? lol. nice!

my mom reminded me...

so  right now im playing a game called cribbage and it is soooo fun..if u havent played then u need to.

i hate not knowing..

this is very unlike you, you have always told me what's wrong with you! always. we are supposed to be bestfriends, and we always tell each other everything that is going on in our lvies no matter what; we agree'd that the truth is always best.. we have never had a problem talking to each other. now all of a sudden, you cant tell me this? you dont want to talk to me at all about this? i wish i knew what was going on.. i have no clue whats going on with you right now, and i hate it. i dont know what youre doing, where youre at, or how youre feeling.. you say youre okay, but i know youre not. i just wish you would tell me. im hoping you will tell me this weekend when you come over, but im not going to push you anymore. i fucking wish youd tell me though!!!!

well as i had read in class today..

i am still trying to come up with an answer to Rauls question.
i'm not sure how to answer it..
i mean i understand that i dont NEED him, but i know for sure I WANT him.
i need to be able to be happy without him. i need to work on myself. so im not all depressed or anything. because i pretty much gave up on life when we went on a break, and i shouldnt be like that.
he asked me what i have in my head about us.
about this world, out there. being on my own.
i need to learn independence.

okay so

i just finished writing the 6 pages of outside writing that i totally forgot to do.. i had so much jomework to do today!
first i had to write my final draft with my works cited for my English essay for Mrs. Silva's class.
then i had to write the 6 pages for this class. blog. and comment.
i also had math homework.

i now have to go and get ready for my concert thats @ 7, but i have to leave @ 6.
i have to go pick up my friend and boyfriend before that. get gas. all that good stuff.

oh and charge my dead phone.

ugh tonight when i get home i hear a shower calling my name, and then my sweet, good ol' bed<3

haven't done this in like 2 weeks lol.

well i guess i'll just say that i had an interesting day.

English class went by the slowest it seems it ever has for me.
Creative Writing did suprisively as well.
Then in my T.A class i was mad because on the first day back she had me doing hella shit. I have to go run 2 bins out to the recycle. Then i had to help pass out papers. Then she made me clean her nasty ass counters off, which took for ever and got me dirty. Help Mr.G's class. And grade all her calendars. Oh, and wash out garbage bins. She never ever has me do this much, and now all of a sudden on the 1st day back she springs all this on me? wow.
4th per(Choir)- I couldn't even sing because i'm still getting over having the flu, and my throat is crap lol.
5th per9Art-Also the same teacher i am a T.A for) She had me pick up her mess and finish grading the calandars.. she told me the T.A job caries over.. whatever
M.F.B- all of a sudden he cracked down today and started being mean. he for 1ce didn't let use listen to music, use your phones, go on the internet, play games, or even talk.. jeeze Bolding! what got into you?
then after school this big ol' drama thing happened..a fight..blah blah blah
i came home and seen my mom right before work, said hi to my bf for maybe 5mins, then he left back to work with my dad. and then i went to work.
now im at home blogging and i just want to lay down. im sooo tired. all i want is my bf, and my bed haha.
i gota go take a shower, blow dry and straighten my hair, get my stuff ready for school tomorrow, then i have plans with him(:
byeee.

i don't know how you do it

no matter how mad i am at you.
no  matter how upset you make me.
no matter how much i've cried over you.
no matter how much you irritate or annoy me.
no matter how much we fight or argue.
no matter what we say or do.
and i am still completely in love with you.
and your kiss is different.
your kiss calms me, and makes me breathe.
the way you hold me neck, or my head. the way you lightly brush your fingers across my face and put our foreheads together. then way you put your finger under my chin and point my head up as you lean down. you're the only 1 i let touch my face, and it's for this reason. your kisses are like no other, and they just take my breath away!
it's even cuter when you kiss my forehead, or the tip of my nose(:
i love you Raul<3

fuck that

i can't believe this.
i knew you'd ditch me, you've been doing that alot lately.
but we made plans today, it was our 8 months.
and you just left.
i can't believe you; i hate our relationship.

i'm tired of it

I'm tired of the fighting between us. I know things happen, and we get angry. And i know there are misunderstandings. I let them all go because i don't want to argue or fight. But you? You insist on keeping the grudge. You keep the mistake lingering and can't forgive. you are always forgiven, but you never forgive. I don't get it, and wish the forgiveness was recipricle. Really. I hate it.

"Thank You For Smoking" ......

what a name for a T.V show, right?
haha random anyways...
so today i wrote about a list of things that i hate/dislike--
i will be adding to the list, listing 50 more things;
_________________________________________
1. pencils
2. video games
3. my dad
4. the smell of baby shit/the view of it too
5. REAL orange juice, & REAL lemonade
6. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
7. Barney
8. open doors
9. alarms
10. Ty food
11. Burger King
12. Arbey's
13. action movies
14. really long nails
15. babies crying
16. throw up
17. cramps
18. periods
19. pads
20. girls who don't do there makeup
21. apple & cherry pie
22. wine
23. beer
24. cigs
25. grey colored duct tape
26. 2 Pak
27. Mac Dre
28. Andre Nickotina
29. Westerns
30. when restuarants only give a few packets of whatever
31. liars
32. cheaters
33. when cats spray
34. skunks
35. disorganization
36. non cleanliness
37. when ppl dip crackers in water
38. day time
39. lights
40. ppl against gays/lez's
41. niggers
42. anything besides thongs
43. B.O
44. greasy hair
45. non shaved boyfriend
46. ear wax
47. ppl in costumes!!!!
48. girls sneakers
49. ppl that live here & cant speak English
50. a dead phone

Maury..

quite the show.
this show is so crazy and chaotic.
i'm watching an episode about cheating. being a babys father.
these DNA and lie tests are quite funny actually.
sometimes i wish i could run a lie test on a certain someone.
these people get so twore up.
they shouldn't even be there in the 1st place.
such a dramatic show,
and yet i still watch it and like it.
haha.
does anyone else?

i'm kinda bummed

i mean..we get a 3 day weekend, and i still can't really do anything. i asked to go to Great America, but then we found out they're shut down. My bf said 6 Flages, but im going there for Choir in a few weeks. My dad suggested the beach, but the water and everything is just way too cold. Then my mom tells us since she just had her week of vacation from work, and then she just went back.. she only has 1 day of work off this week. She normally gets 2 days off. So we could have done something. But no, she only gets Sunday. So Sunday i am going with her for the day and we are going Valentines Day shopping. Thursday i was bed ridden because as many people know, i pulled a musscle in my back; threw my back out. So i came home and just sat in a warm shower, or had my back massaged. My bf stayed the night as usual, but he went to work with my dad this morning. So i am stuck at home with my mom while she cleans, and im in pain. I have done all my HW already today and i think im just gona go shower. My mom has work @ 5 today though.. and i think my bf stays the night again tonight, but he goes home tomorrow morning for sure my parents said. So today i guess just like always im going to just lay around with my bf. Ohh, and th epulled musscle pain went away, but now the pain is up in my neck, and i have a kink. Isn't my weekend wonderful? Gah, Thursday was whatever. But now Friday i am just laying around in pain, without my bf, alone. This sucks. And tomorrow, i get to do the same shit because i doubt anyone can chill :/ no one ever can. So i was busy Thurs, & im busy Sun.. But 2day, and Sat.. just not the business :/ I'm in pain, bored, alone, & blahh.. fuhhhhk. I wish we had more shit to do. The movies is boring. I don't like to bowl much. Going out to a resturant is blah. The mall is busy & i gota save my $$$ for Vday anyways. Theres no street fair, or any event going on this weekend. Gah... Manteca is pretty gay!

sooo

today.
school.
meet up with an old friend.
picked up a friend.
went to Woodward.
dance practice.
friends house.
home.
English HW.
C.W Blog.
now i need to write those 6 pages.
then get dinner.
and shower.
straighten my hair..
crash.
try living my day.

hmm well i have had a horrible past 2 days

everything has just gone wrong and i hate it. i absolutely can not wait for this weekend. i am in lack of sleep so much.. even as i sit here and write this i am falling asleep. at work i literally just fell over and fell asleep. i just hate this week, it is honestly 1 of the worst weeks of my life. i have been awake like 13 hours or so and i am exhausted, even though i have stayed awake longer.. fitigue? ha that isn't powerful enough :P my eye lid has been fucking twitching for like a week straight and it's irritating the piss outa me D: anyways.. Oh! and nope, my Math For Business grade is still maintained @ an A, so i stayed @ a 4.0, and still am(: BUT, i think i did go down this time because i had another test.. it pisses me off that i always maintain perfect grades untill literally the day before progess reports.. i have maintained a 4/0 since Dec, and now it's gonna go down right before progess reports.. ughhh pisses me off. they better stay there!!!!

ayee,

WELL, 2DAY:
i went to school
then took care of my boyfriend
and after maybe 30mins of takin care of my sick baby): i had to leave to go to dance practice..
dance practice
Samantha's
now Samantha is over.
It's 9:09 and we just chillin lol...
she ate dinner @ home and now im eatin(:
Corn Dogs, fries, & water<3 yummy.
lol.
she stayin the night..yeee!!!!!! :D
well, ima finish eatin and get to bed after we watch a movie.
ima pass out by 10 i think? lol.
HELLA tired..
ugh, i have work tmrw, BUT 2mro is mine and my bf's lovely 7 months<333333333

i got nothing

i honestly have nothing to write about right now but i have to in order to obtain my grade. ohh, i know what i could write about! i could write about how i was mainting a 4.0 for a few weeks and i think it just went down to a 3.8 because of 1 class, Math For Business; the test was what did it. I hope that i can get it back up because i have never gotten above a 3.3, and i would like to. it's my goal. or maybe a 3.8 at least.. but nothing lower!!!!

:(

Well I hate when we fight because he has such anger and stuff. I never pick fights but he always gets so mad at ever thing that I do. He blows up and gets mad. I understand that he has anger problems but gosh. Oh and I see where he gets it from.. Because of his family. Like right now everyone in his family is arguing. The oldest brother is arguing calling his little sister a hoe and saying she is dumb and shiett and hella fat. And she is tellin him that since he is 20 he needs to go and find his own house instead of living here with them. Which he should but still. And Chava talks shit with the older brother saying the older brothers room smells like ass and they trying to blame it on Raul. Raul and I just sit here quietly watching Cheech and Chong.. I'm glad that I'm not in this family.

uhmmm i haven't done this in so long

well, i'm sorry if no one cares, but i certainly do.
it has gotten to the point, i officially don't see you anymore.
Mon, Wed; dance practice, then practice iwht Samantha, then homework, shower, bed.
Tues, Thurs; work, singing rehersal, homework, shower, bed.
Fri; singing rehersal with other group, homework, shower, bed.

i try to have you stay the night on Friday nights, and then spend all Saturday with me.
but it doesn't always work out.
i'm to the extent of getting up earlier to be at your house by 6:45 so i can spend 30mins with you before i go to school- since you branched off to Calla ): i hate this, and i hope it doesnt last much longer.