Why & how you can forgive the very man that cheated on you, lied to you, tricked you, abused you, controlled your every move, was rude to you, treated your family like shit, minipulated you, decieved you, turned you into something you weren't, ruled your life, forced you with things, changed you, and ruined you; but you can't forgive me?!
Why & how can you forgive the very man i introduced you to that cheated on you, lied to you, said hurtful things, made you cry, made you run away, tried to turn away from you, mind fucked you, and emotionally wrecked you; but you can't forgive me?!
Why & how can you forgive the very man that's your own cousin but lied to you, tricked you, was rude to you, said hurtful things, called you a bitch, said fuck off, told you that he hated the love of your life ans he was going to show no respect, made fun of you guys, judged you, told you your baby's fat, told you that you're fat, broke your family apart, brought drama, brought a 14yr old girl into the house when he's 21 after he talked shit on you (19) and your love (16), disrespected your stuff, left used condoms on your floor, and lied about having sex, went through your phone, behind your back and snuck, decieved, and ruined your' guys' used to be CLOSE "family-ship"(since you grew up together and were the closest cousins of the family); but you can't forgive me?!
Why & how can you forgive the very women that's your own mother that has tricked and conned you into doing stuff you didn't want to do because you were too shy to say no, who lied to you, who jerked you around, who ordered you to do religious things, who made you believe a bunch of bullshit, who talked shit, who wasn't happy with anything about you unless it was her way; but you can't forgive me?!
When I am the very women who was with you during all of this.
I stood by your side.
Never doing ANY of these things.
I was the best friend you could have, and you know that.
I developed you so much, and helped you so much.
I make 1 little mistake that was on accident,
that i apologized for over and over,
begged you to talk to/text me,
anything @ all...........
but NO.
You don't forgive ME.
ME.
wow.. ME
of all people.
ME.
well, "ME" is more sorry than any of those people ever were, and ever will be-- but you forgive them so easily, right?
I just don't understand you anymore, you're not who you used to be!
I love you so much, and i'm always here for you. You mean more to me then anything. You have no idea how much of an impact you leaving my life has been. I certainly never saw this coming, and I wish i would have so i could have avoided it because I can NOT take it anymore.
I'm tired of seeing you drive by in that car everyone knows you by- I want to be in that car with you again.
I'm tired of dreaming we made up, and we are doing things like old times- I want to make up, and do things like we used to.
I'm tired of texting your phone with no response when i know you're reading it instead of not being able to answer because you're driving and you answer later- I want you to text and ask if you can come over.
I'm tired of seeing your boyfriend that i got you @ school, thinking about you guys, watching him get into your car- I want to get picked up from school by you like i used to, I want to watch memories of us.
Because that's all I have now.
memories.
and they are slowly........ slowly fading.
but it's all I have unfortunately.
because you left me.
this was ANOTHER mistake by you!
that you did to ME.
again, ME.
Well, "me" can't take this anymore!!!!!!!!!!
Blog's for the fabulous teacher Mrs. Hasket's class.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Saturday, November 20, 2010
daaaaang;
it's crazy--
it's crazy how much we change from the moment our tiny bodies are pushed out the pouch we called home for 9 months.
it's crazy how we just come out knowing how to cry, how to tell our moms what we want, then knowing how to suck.
it's crazy how we get so scared, on the 1st day of school, and want to come home.
it's crazy how as we grow older, how much we get nutured, showing the outcome of us.
we grow individually.
in our own body.
a body we have to figure out.
the yrs we spend frollicing over who we want to be; what we want to be
the gossip; the rumors; the shit talking; the fighting
how bad we struggle to find our identity,
our friends
our loves
who we trust,
the people who lie and decieve us
the fakes
the back stabbers
people you thought were your friends
getting made fun of,
judged,
threatened,
yelled at,
laughed at,
rudely spoken to,
treated like shit
the changes,
the things that make us, who we are.
everything you're not, makes you who you are
thanks to those
-people that treat you like shit
-the people who speak rude
-the people who laugh at you
-the people who yell at you
-the people who threaten you
-the people whom judge you
-the people that make fun of you
-the people that back stab you
-the people that are fake
-the people whom lie and decieve us
-the people who threaten us; some of resulting in such an extent as attemption of suicide, cutting, running away, crying, punching things, or in actual reality-- succeeding.
-the people who we trust
-the people who we love
-the people we choose to be friends with
-the people help us find our identitiy
-the people who fight us; talk shit; spread nasty rumors; and the people who gossip
-the people that you call your spirm donnors, or your parents..
they all make you what you're not revealing what you are to the naked eye
writing is a scarf to that eye, the clothing.
it helps you get out,
what you don't reveal to the humans around--
but hopefully in the end,
you find that 1 person you can completely open up to
hopefully you find that love, that best friend, get away from the ugly bullshit, find your identity, and reach out. be you.
get inspired,
your inspiration can be anything.
but who would have thought, we would be this, when we popped out of that 9 month oven just knowing how to cry, tell our moms what we want, and suck?
it's crazy!!!!!!!
it's crazy how much we change from the moment our tiny bodies are pushed out the pouch we called home for 9 months.
it's crazy how we just come out knowing how to cry, how to tell our moms what we want, then knowing how to suck.
it's crazy how we get so scared, on the 1st day of school, and want to come home.
it's crazy how as we grow older, how much we get nutured, showing the outcome of us.
we grow individually.
in our own body.
a body we have to figure out.
the yrs we spend frollicing over who we want to be; what we want to be
the gossip; the rumors; the shit talking; the fighting
how bad we struggle to find our identity,
our friends
our loves
who we trust,
the people who lie and decieve us
the fakes
the back stabbers
people you thought were your friends
getting made fun of,
judged,
threatened,
yelled at,
laughed at,
rudely spoken to,
treated like shit
the changes,
the things that make us, who we are.
everything you're not, makes you who you are
thanks to those
-people that treat you like shit
-the people who speak rude
-the people who laugh at you
-the people who yell at you
-the people who threaten you
-the people whom judge you
-the people that make fun of you
-the people that back stab you
-the people that are fake
-the people whom lie and decieve us
-the people who threaten us; some of resulting in such an extent as attemption of suicide, cutting, running away, crying, punching things, or in actual reality-- succeeding.
-the people who we trust
-the people who we love
-the people we choose to be friends with
-the people help us find our identitiy
-the people who fight us; talk shit; spread nasty rumors; and the people who gossip
-the people that you call your spirm donnors, or your parents..
they all make you what you're not revealing what you are to the naked eye
writing is a scarf to that eye, the clothing.
it helps you get out,
what you don't reveal to the humans around--
but hopefully in the end,
you find that 1 person you can completely open up to
hopefully you find that love, that best friend, get away from the ugly bullshit, find your identity, and reach out. be you.
get inspired,
your inspiration can be anything.
but who would have thought, we would be this, when we popped out of that 9 month oven just knowing how to cry, tell our moms what we want, and suck?
it's crazy!!!!!!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Mrs.Haskett;
i don't like class when you leave us with a sub, and you're not there.
it just isn't the same, at all.
i don't like having someone else "watch us" because the vibe in the room just isnt the same.
i don't feel as comfortable or open as i do when you're there.
you can't be leaving us like that, especially us Seniors when this is our last year and we have so very little time to spend time with you.
i don't feel the security, warmth, passion, comfort, or any of the normal things i do when you're with us sharing, as i do when you're gone.
the sub's are jus weird. they stare at us, wondering what goes on, if what we say is appropriate or ohk, thinking about the normal things we do.
not to mention, we tend to make them feel awkward with some of the stories.
ha anyways..
no more leaving us damn it!
it's just too fucking weird.
it just isn't the same, at all.
i don't like having someone else "watch us" because the vibe in the room just isnt the same.
i don't feel as comfortable or open as i do when you're there.
you can't be leaving us like that, especially us Seniors when this is our last year and we have so very little time to spend time with you.
i don't feel the security, warmth, passion, comfort, or any of the normal things i do when you're with us sharing, as i do when you're gone.
the sub's are jus weird. they stare at us, wondering what goes on, if what we say is appropriate or ohk, thinking about the normal things we do.
not to mention, we tend to make them feel awkward with some of the stories.
ha anyways..
no more leaving us damn it!
it's just too fucking weird.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
this hurts so bad
i dated this guy for 2 years right.
and i met all of his family.
well, i got close to his cousin Virginia.
and we have been best friends for over 4yrs.
did everything together, almost every day;
i was with her through EVERYTHING!
she was home school, and brought up in church.
so she was really sheltered, and didnt have much of a life.
well, i got her out of her shell.
took her out places, let her hang out with my friends so she would have friends and have things to do. i even got her into drinking and smoking (bad, i know). i got her to wear makeup, actually wear jeans, and show off a little bit. i dyed her hair rainbow, and she gave me a trade of getting me into contacts. i went shopping with her, helped her raise her baby, got her through her divorce (@ 18!), went around with the family everywhere, went to her familys house in Palmdale or whatever. We were inseperable. i stayed the night @ her house, we always took pic, we were on each others MySpace, i got her to get the guts to drive. EVERYTHING. then, i introduced her to the boii she didnt know would become her EVERYTHING and more. they are made for each other. thanks to me; i made her.
and it all came crashing down this Halloween.
i brought someone to her house with this big group i was with, that i forgot she hated because her ex husband cheated on her with Reiko. i honestly fucking hella forgot!!!! ..right.
well, she doesn't forgive me.
at all.
and now,
we are no longer friends;
just like that.
like nothing.
she throws me out, never even thinking about it twice.
im dead to her.
she hates me.
for 1 mistake i have apologized over and over for.
i feel so bad.
i forgot.
i wish i could take it back...
ive tried to talk to her.
ive tried to text her.
ive tried to call her.
ive tried to message her on line.
ive tried talking to her through other people.
ive tried talking to her family.
having my parents talk to her.
my bf talk to her.
everything..
but she holds this grudge,
she wont let it go.
and i really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wish she would!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need her back.
i cant handle not having her in my life.
i feel so alone.
so empty;
naked.
weird, odd.
misplaced.
she was my bestfriend,
and now,
my enemy.
an enemy,
i created,
when she 1ce was,
my best friend.
i made you.
you are something else now.
off on your own;
with the MySpace i made you.
the friends i got you, that you developed off of. You mooched off of. You wear a fake face, but i got you into that. your hair is cut how i put it, and colored back from what i had. you wear the style i got you into, and we have the same pants and flannels. you have your lisence, you're still with him. he helps you raise your baby, and handles the ex. the fam doesnt talk to me anymore, and you hate me. you continue to gets piercings and tats, i got you into. you continue to smoke almost every day, and drink every weekend, like i got you into.
you're a free spirit now,
what i made you.
i'm a lost spirit,
you changed me.
1ce again,
i made you who you are 2day.
and you just leave me,
alienated!
and live the life i used to live,
because i made you.
thanks alot,
some bestfriend.
i cant believe you just let me go because of 1 mistake.
when i forgave you for so much Virginia.
i was with you through it all.
now you throw me away.
so easily, like trash!
damn):
this hurts so bad!!!!!!!
and i met all of his family.
well, i got close to his cousin Virginia.
and we have been best friends for over 4yrs.
did everything together, almost every day;
i was with her through EVERYTHING!
she was home school, and brought up in church.
so she was really sheltered, and didnt have much of a life.
well, i got her out of her shell.
took her out places, let her hang out with my friends so she would have friends and have things to do. i even got her into drinking and smoking (bad, i know). i got her to wear makeup, actually wear jeans, and show off a little bit. i dyed her hair rainbow, and she gave me a trade of getting me into contacts. i went shopping with her, helped her raise her baby, got her through her divorce (@ 18!), went around with the family everywhere, went to her familys house in Palmdale or whatever. We were inseperable. i stayed the night @ her house, we always took pic, we were on each others MySpace, i got her to get the guts to drive. EVERYTHING. then, i introduced her to the boii she didnt know would become her EVERYTHING and more. they are made for each other. thanks to me; i made her.
and it all came crashing down this Halloween.
i brought someone to her house with this big group i was with, that i forgot she hated because her ex husband cheated on her with Reiko. i honestly fucking hella forgot!!!! ..right.
well, she doesn't forgive me.
at all.
and now,
we are no longer friends;
just like that.
like nothing.
she throws me out, never even thinking about it twice.
im dead to her.
she hates me.
for 1 mistake i have apologized over and over for.
i feel so bad.
i forgot.
i wish i could take it back...
ive tried to talk to her.
ive tried to text her.
ive tried to call her.
ive tried to message her on line.
ive tried talking to her through other people.
ive tried talking to her family.
having my parents talk to her.
my bf talk to her.
everything..
but she holds this grudge,
she wont let it go.
and i really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really wish she would!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i need her back.
i cant handle not having her in my life.
i feel so alone.
so empty;
naked.
weird, odd.
misplaced.
she was my bestfriend,
and now,
my enemy.
an enemy,
i created,
when she 1ce was,
my best friend.
i made you.
you are something else now.
off on your own;
with the MySpace i made you.
the friends i got you, that you developed off of. You mooched off of. You wear a fake face, but i got you into that. your hair is cut how i put it, and colored back from what i had. you wear the style i got you into, and we have the same pants and flannels. you have your lisence, you're still with him. he helps you raise your baby, and handles the ex. the fam doesnt talk to me anymore, and you hate me. you continue to gets piercings and tats, i got you into. you continue to smoke almost every day, and drink every weekend, like i got you into.
you're a free spirit now,
what i made you.
i'm a lost spirit,
you changed me.
1ce again,
i made you who you are 2day.
and you just leave me,
alienated!
and live the life i used to live,
because i made you.
thanks alot,
some bestfriend.
i cant believe you just let me go because of 1 mistake.
when i forgave you for so much Virginia.
i was with you through it all.
now you throw me away.
so easily, like trash!
damn):
this hurts so bad!!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
gah
y is it it seems that everythang could be goin so good, and then it all falls down?
i mean, it doesnt do it @ diff times either, to where its not so bad
1 bad thang will hpn after another
it all comes @ 1ce
all too much @ 1ce
i wonder y this hpns?
is it juz a coincidence?
is it meant ta hpn fer a reason?
does it hpn ta us fer a reason?..and y?
i juz dont get it..
lifes not fair;
buh then again,
nobody ever said it would be..
they juz said ya gota live it
i mean, it doesnt do it @ diff times either, to where its not so bad
1 bad thang will hpn after another
it all comes @ 1ce
all too much @ 1ce
i wonder y this hpns?
is it juz a coincidence?
is it meant ta hpn fer a reason?
does it hpn ta us fer a reason?..and y?
i juz dont get it..
lifes not fair;
buh then again,
nobody ever said it would be..
they juz said ya gota live it
Saturday, November 6, 2010
totally busy all day 1ce again;
wake up
go get breakfast
eat
bf comes over
i shower
clean bathroom
clean my room
do laundry
write my English essay
help parents with groceries
watch movie while doing my 6 pgs of outside writing
eat dinner
finish movie and outside writing
now blog and comment
then gota print up sheet music
and get stuff ready for tomorrow
and watch another movie with my boyfriend before he leaves; because he's been sitting here with me through all these chores and shit..
- tomorrow im going shopping
and i have to prepare for my boyfriends bday on Monday
ill be done around 9 with everything..
he goes home at 11
then im crashing and getting up tomorrow to have another full day(:
go get breakfast
eat
bf comes over
i shower
clean bathroom
clean my room
do laundry
write my English essay
help parents with groceries
watch movie while doing my 6 pgs of outside writing
eat dinner
finish movie and outside writing
now blog and comment
then gota print up sheet music
and get stuff ready for tomorrow
and watch another movie with my boyfriend before he leaves; because he's been sitting here with me through all these chores and shit..
- tomorrow im going shopping
and i have to prepare for my boyfriends bday on Monday
ill be done around 9 with everything..
he goes home at 11
then im crashing and getting up tomorrow to have another full day(:
Friday, November 5, 2010
soo my phn was dead,
it committed suicide riiiight?
hmm.. well i got a new phn
to hold me over
es an ohk phn
buh i rly want this other new phn
now i gota wait
cuz my dad didnt wana pay the $$$ fer that new phn
cuz it was sooo expensive
so he spent lk $20 on this Blackberry;
now i gota wait fer that other phn
buh mayb another better 1 will come out? idk
we shall see..
buh i hv a phn bak now(:
text me! (209)450-8001
hmm.. well i got a new phn
to hold me over
es an ohk phn
buh i rly want this other new phn
now i gota wait
cuz my dad didnt wana pay the $$$ fer that new phn
cuz it was sooo expensive
so he spent lk $20 on this Blackberry;
now i gota wait fer that other phn
buh mayb another better 1 will come out? idk
we shall see..
buh i hv a phn bak now(:
text me! (209)450-8001
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
better now
so fer the past few wks, ive been shiett
bball games, and bein in debt cuz of my dad and his bball obsession.
my ex bf/good friend tryna kill em self.
loosin 2 friends
my runnin away and not finding him; forcing me to not eat, sleep, or even hv the capeability to think right..
my phn broke, and BTW.. i still don't hv 1
my Chem grade went down cuz of a stupid test
damn,
neways,
this has juz been shiett..
buh now;
bball is over
my ex bf/friend is hpy again
my 2 friends are comin to there senses
my dad found my bf
and my dads workin on gettin me a phn
ohh, and im tryna raise my Chem grade.. its uhp now. higher than it was most deff.
sooo.. nxt worry?
new phn
progress report
bf's bdy on the 8th
our 5 months
Thanksgiving trip
Xmas gifts and Xmas period
gettin switched fer 2nd sem
my Xmas concert cuz i cant get the words of Latin right in Choir
ugh.. it nvr ends;
buh i sps it could be worse
and when i am an "adult" (Mrs.Haskett.. i loved yer teenager paper)
it will be worse.
*sigh*
well.. im guna go lay down
i dont EVER get enough sleep
in fact, it's past Mrs.Silva's, and mayb Mrs.Haskett's bed time? i know Mrs. Silva fer sure, or she goint o bed now. always by 8:30, so mayb i should be a nerd and sleep?
nahh. gota wait fer his call still..
then, ill sleep
later
and ill be dog tired,
2mro..
as always
whatever,
its the way i live /:
bball games, and bein in debt cuz of my dad and his bball obsession.
my ex bf/good friend tryna kill em self.
loosin 2 friends
my runnin away and not finding him; forcing me to not eat, sleep, or even hv the capeability to think right..
my phn broke, and BTW.. i still don't hv 1
my Chem grade went down cuz of a stupid test
damn,
neways,
this has juz been shiett..
buh now;
bball is over
my ex bf/friend is hpy again
my 2 friends are comin to there senses
my dad found my bf
and my dads workin on gettin me a phn
ohh, and im tryna raise my Chem grade.. its uhp now. higher than it was most deff.
sooo.. nxt worry?
new phn
progress report
bf's bdy on the 8th
our 5 months
Thanksgiving trip
Xmas gifts and Xmas period
gettin switched fer 2nd sem
my Xmas concert cuz i cant get the words of Latin right in Choir
ugh.. it nvr ends;
buh i sps it could be worse
and when i am an "adult" (Mrs.Haskett.. i loved yer teenager paper)
it will be worse.
*sigh*
well.. im guna go lay down
i dont EVER get enough sleep
in fact, it's past Mrs.Silva's, and mayb Mrs.Haskett's bed time? i know Mrs. Silva fer sure, or she goint o bed now. always by 8:30, so mayb i should be a nerd and sleep?
nahh. gota wait fer his call still..
then, ill sleep
later
and ill be dog tired,
2mro..
as always
whatever,
its the way i live /:
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